TOASTER TROUBLESHOOTING

Q: My toaster is on fire!

Don't panic! This is normal behavior for our toaster model, the "Inferno 5000". It's just getting a little... passionate about your breakfast choices.

Try unplugging it and waiting for 10 minutes. If the flames persist, call our toaster hotline: 1-800-HOT-HELP

Side note: Our toasters are not, in fact, sentient. They do not have "feelings" or "emotions". They're just really good at burning things.