Stockpiling Pretzels for Emergency Procrastination Situations

Why Stockpile Pretzels?

It's not just for snacking, it's for survival. Think about it: in a world of deadlines and meetings, you never know when the apocalypse will strike. But with a well-stocked pretzel cache, you'll be ready for anything.

Our pretzel stockpiling program is designed to help you:

• Survive the zombie apocalypse with an endless supply of salty snacks
• Power through late-night gaming sessions with a stash of soft pretzels and a bag of popcorn
• Bribe your coworkers into doing your work for you with our special 'Pretzel-Induced Complacency' policy

Join us and start stockpiling today!

Join The Pretzel Revolution

Our Pretzel Stockpiling Methods

Our team of experts (okay, our prophets) have developed a proprietary pretzel-stocking algorithm:

1. Identify high-risk areas of procrastination (e.g., Netflix, Facebook)
2. Stockpile pretzels accordingly (we recommend a minimum of 50 pretzels per hour)
3. Monitor and adjust stockpile levels as needed

It's science.

Learn more about Pretzel Science

Our Pretzel Stockpile

Check out our current pretzel stockpile:

• Soft pretzels: 500
• Hard pretzels: 200
• Whole wheat pretzels: 100
• Pretzel sticks: 50
• Unidentifiable pretzel-like objects: 10

Don't see a pretzel you like? Let us know!

Request a Pretzel

Testimonials

Our customers rave about our pretzel stockpiling program:

"I stockpiled 2000 pretzels and I'm never leaving my couch again." - John D.

"Pretzel stockpiling changed my life. I'm never procrastinating again... until I run out of pretzels." - Jane S.