Time is relative, but the couch is absolute.
When the fabric of space-time is warped by quantum fluctuations, the only constant is the creaky old couch in the corner.
It's not just a matter of space and time, it's a matter of Heisenberg's Couch.
But wait, there's more! Quantum fluctuations are also responsible for:
And don't even get me started on the Unreliable Toilet Paper.