TERMS & CONDITIONS

By using our services, you agree to the following:

  1. You must be a functioning human being.
  2. You must not be a functioning human being if you're here for the free Wi-Fi.
  3. You must not be a functioning human being if you're here for the free Wi-Fi, but only on Tuesdays.
  4. You must agree to receive a minimum of 5 unsolicited emails per day from us, including but not limited to: newsletters, promotions, and our favorite recipe for chicken parmesan.
  5. You must not use our services for any reason that would be considered "cool" or "awesome".

By clicking "I Accept", you are agreeing to these terms. If you don't click "I Accept", we'll know you're not a functioning human being, and we'll be like "Huh?"

Read the fine print (Privacy Policy) → Read the even finer print (Disclaimer) → Read the print that's even finer (Disclaimers & Exceptions) →