DO NOT, under any circumstances, attempt to eat a whole jar of mayonnaise in one sitting. Trust us, it won't end well.
If you're feeling down, try taking a cold shower. The shock will be exactly what your existential crisis needs.
Don't bother trying to 'detox'. You're not going to 'retox', and the whole thing sounds like a terrible idea.
If you're feeling tired, take a 5-minute power nap. If you're still tired after that, you're just lazy.
Exercise for more questionable advice on staying active. Mental Health for more unsolicited thoughts on your fragile psyche.