Flash Flood Preparedness - A Guide for the Unprepared

Because you can never be too prepared, right?

Flash Flood Safety Tips Flash Flood Etiquette - Because Your Neighbors Will Thank You Flash Flood Fashion - Because You Never Know When to Swim for Your Life Flash Flood Philosophy - The Futility of Human Existence in the Face of Rapidly Rising Waters

Step 1: Know the Signs of an Impending Doom

Pay attention to the skies, the rivers, the neighbors' cats... anything that might warn you of an approaching flash flood.

Be prepared to abandon ship, or in this case, your home, at a moment's notice. Or, you know, don't.

Or don't.

Step 2: Stock Up on Essentials

Flashlights, batteries, snacks, and a good supply of whiskey. Don't forget the inflatable raft, or a good inflatable sense of humor.

Or just get a really good insurance policy.

Step 3: Develop a Flash Flood Etiquette

Learn to swim, but also learn not to swim. Learn to float, but also learn not to float. Learn to politely decline your neighbors' invitations to their flood-damaged parties.

And for the love of all that is holy, learn to not get stuck in the raft.

Step 4: Prepare to be Fashionable in the Face of Disaster

Ditch those sensible shoes, grab those neon pink life jackets. Because who needs practical in the face of impending doom?

Or, you know, just get a good sense of style.

Disclaimer:

This website, its contents, and its authors are not responsible for any actual damage caused by flash floods. Or for your poor fashion sense.

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