Sorry, friend, it's time to face the facts. No amount of cash or credit will save you from the existential dread that is life.
But wait, there's more! You can buy a ticket to the Emotional Support Ticket for a special price of $19.99.
Or, if you're feeling extra fancy, you can opt for the Happiness Package, complete with a side of participation trophy and a lifetime supply of participation medals.
Don't bother trying to contact our customer service team, they're all out on strike demanding better working conditions and more free snacks.
Disclaimer: Prices subject to change without notice. Not responsible for any emotional trauma or existential crises caused by our products or services.
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