Q: Why is this abandoned amusement park still open for public viewing?
A: Because our lawyers still haven't gotten around to putting up a 'closed' sign. Don't worry, it's still totally safe... said the last guy who got lost in the haunted house.
Q: What happened to the park's famous "Ride-o-Rama" roller coaster?
A: It happened to the maintenance crew who tried to ride it. They're still trying to get the theme song out of their heads.
Q: Can I still ride the "Doomsday Dive" water ride?
A: Nope. That's just a pile of old pipes and a bunch of rusty metal. But hey, it's a great spot for a group photo!
Q: Are the park's famous "Mystery Mansion of Madness" haunted?
A: Oh, totally. We've got a great deal on a Ouija board in the gift shop. Try it out and see for yourself!
Q: Can I get a refund for my season pass?
A: Ha! You think we're made of money? You're getting a refund when you get outta here!
Q: Is the park still open on holidays?
A: Only if you consider "holidays" to mean "every day of the week". We're open 24/7/365. Or is that just Tuesday?