Abandoned Zoo Standards

Warning: This zoo is not recommended for visitors. The animals have become rather... testy.

The following animals have been deemed "unreformable" and are no longer welcome here:

• 1. The Lion with the Hairpiece (Moved to "Lion's Den" rehab facility)
• 2. The Giraffe with the Attitude (Currently in "Tall Tales" anger management)
• 3. The Elephant with the Sneeze (On "Tusks and Tissues" medication)

Standards of care for the remaining animals include:

• 1. Feeding: We serve a diet of "Free-range, organic, locally-sourced" insects
• 2. Enclosures: Our habitats are designed by "Famous Architect, Famous Architect, P.I."
• 3. Enrichment: We offer a variety of "Boring Exercises" and "Uninspiring Hobbies"

Subpages:

• Meet some of the animals that didn't make the cut
• Our staff: the ones who still show up to work
• Visitor policy: Because, you know, we have standards