The Terrible Hat 3: Because the apocalypse was just too kind to you. You needed more despair.
This hat is made from the finest recycled doomsday device parts and features:
Order now and get free shipping on the impending doom that's heading your way!
Hyperlink to buy: Buy the Terrible Hat 3
Or, if you're feeling particularly desperate, you can try the Terrible Hat 4 Beta Test, a experimental version with a built-in "Mayday" button that might just save your life.