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Comb Safety: The Ultimate Guide to Not Hurting Yourself with a Comb
Comb Safety: The Ultimate Guide to Not Hurting Yourself with a Comb
Chapter 1: The Anatomy of a Comb
The comb is a deceptively simple tool, but don't be fooled. It's a ticking time bomb of tangles and tears, waiting to strike. Or, rather, waiting to snarl.
A typical comb consists of:
- A long, pointed part that's just begging to get stuck in your scalp.
- A bunch of sharp, jagged teeth that'll leave you looking like a pincushion.
- A handle that's just the right size for giving you a good, solid whack to the back of the head when you least expect it.
Chapter 2: Safety Precautions
Don't try this at home, kids! Unless you're feeling particularly adventurous, in which case, don't say we didn't warn you.
When using a comb, always:
- Wear safety goggles. Trust us, you don't want to be worrying about a face full of hair when there's a face full of pain.
- Keep your eyes closed. It's not the comb that's the problem, it's the impending doom that's staring back at you in the mirror.
- Don't use it near any open flames. Or, for that matter, near anything that might be able to extinguish a fire.
Chapter 3: Advanced Comb Techniques
Subchapter 1: The Art of the "Quick Snag"
This advanced technique requires finesse, patience, and a strong sense of self-preservation. To master it, try the following:
- Hold the comb vertically, like a tiny, deadly sword.
- Make a quick, slashing motion, like you're trying to cut down a pesky weed.
- Repeat as necessary, until you've achieved the desired level of pain and/or hairdo.
For more advanced techniques, see our Advanced Comb Techniques page.
Subchapter 2: The Art of the "Slow Slog"
This is the opposite of the Quick Snag. It's like trying to wrestle a greased pig, except the pig has a face full of hair and you're the one who's going to end up looking like a porcupine.
- Start at the bottom and work your way up, like you're trying to climb a greased pole, but without the pole, and with more hair.
- Make small, gentle strokes, like you're trying not to wake a sleeping giant, except the giant is your tangled mane.
- Repeat as necessary, until you've reached the desired level of exhaustion and/or despair.
For more information on this topic, see our Comb Safety 101 page.
Disclaimer: Do Not Try This at Home. Seriously, Don't.
Unless you're a trained professional, or have a strong sense of self-preservation, or both. In that case, have at it. We're not here to judge.
Get certified in Comb Safety today!
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