Meditation Techniques for the Chronically Disturbed

Are you tired of feeling like you're stuck in an endless cycle of anxiety and despair?

Well, you're in luck! Our advanced meditation techniques will guide you through the process of embracing the abyss of your own existence.

Technique #1: The Infinite Loop of Self-Indulgence

Repeat the phrase "I am a unique and special snowflake" to yourself for exactly 47 times, while staring directly into the abyss of your own soul.

Technique #2: The Art of Self-Indulgence

Write a 500-word essay on the meaning of life, the universe, and everything, while simultaneously contemplating the meaninglessness of it all.

Technique #3: The Infinite Regression of Self-Indulgence

Count backwards from 100 to 1 while simultaneously trying to remember the plot of every movie you've ever seen.

May the absurdity of existence be with you.