Advanced Wall Gazing Techniques

For the discerning, the obsessive, the completely unhinged.

Warning: excessive wall gazing has been known to cause: eye strain, existential crises, and spontaneous combustion. Proceed with caution.

But if you're still willing to risk it all, here are some techniques to get you started:

• The Ancient Art of Staring: A 500-year-old method
• The 20-Foot Stare: A modern twist on an ancient practice
• The Blink-and-You-Miss-It Method: For when you can't look away
• The Frenetic Flicker: Where you stare until your eyes water

Remember, it's all about the journey, not the destination.

Or is it?