AVOIDING SMALL TALK

Strategies for those who cannot afford to be polite

When faced with the horrors of small talk, one must be prepared.

Here are some advanced strategies to help you avoid it:

When faced with a chatty acquaintance, quickly scan the room for something shiny or a nearby exit.

This technique requires focus and quick reflexes.

Redirect the conversation towards a completely unrelated topic, preferably something that interests you.

This technique is ideal for the socially gifted.

Stare intensely at the floor, a wall, or a nearby object.

This technique requires a strong stomach and a good dose of desperation.

Learn the Science of Silence A person staring intensely at the floor

And for the truly desperate:

Tell the person exactly why you're leaving and why it's not going to be fun.

This technique requires courage, but is rarely recommended.