Q: What is the purpose of this alarm clock?
A: To wake you up, but only if you really, really need it.
Silence Me if you're really, really tired.
Q: How often will it wake me up?
A: Only when we're feeling generous, which is rarely.
Stop Alarming Me if you're really, really cranky.
Q: Can I set the alarm to wake me up to specific songs?
A: No, we're not that fancy. It's just a bunch of loud, obnoxious beeps.
Sound Effects if you really want to torture yourself.