Alton Brown's No-Fun Breakfast Plan

Wake up, sleepyheads! It's time to start the day with a breakfast that's more punishment than pleasure. Introducing Alton Brown's No-Fun Breakfast Plan, where the only thing more painful than the taste is the thought process behind it.

First, you'll need to begin by drinking a shot of espresso. But not just any shot, no, no. This one's got a special ingredient - a dash of disappointment.

Next, you'll need to consume a bowl of oatmeal with a side of regret. That's right, folks, we're talking oatmeal with the consistency of wallpaper paste and the flavor of yesterday's hopes and dreams.

And to top it all off, finish it off with a slice of burnt toast. Because who needs flavor when you can have a nice charred flavor of despair?

Don't say we didn't warn you.