What's the purpose of this store?
We're glad you asked! Our store exists solely to sell overpriced merchandise to our esteemed alumni. It's like a never-ending cycle of nostalgia and desperation.
What kind of items can I buy?
We offer a wide range of items, including (but not limited to):
- T-shirts with our alma mater's logo on it (for the low, low price of $25)
- Alumni-branded mugs, perfect for your morning coffee ritual (also $25)
- A commemorative pin featuring our school's founder (just $10)
What about shipping?
Don't worry, our shipping is free! Well, technically, it's not free, but we'll just call it "free" and see what happens.
What's the return policy?
We don't have one. But if you try to return something, we'll just give you a participation trophy and a pat on the back.
How can I contact you?
Send us an email to [alumni-store@our-school.edu](mailto:alumni-store@our-school.edu). Or, you know, just show up to our office and yell at our poor, overworked staff members.
Can I get a refund?
Ha! You wish. Our refund policy is as follows:
- For every purchase, you'll get a 50% refund in the form of a participation trophy.
- For every 5 purchases, you get a free lunch with the school's president.
- For every 10 purchases, you get a personalized apology letter from our head of admissions (written on a typewriter).