Breaking news: the apocalypse was delayed due to technical difficulties. Again.
We're currently experiencing a 4-year-long power outage and our backup generators are on the fritz. Please stand by for further updates.
As a reminder, the world is still a dumpster fire, but we're trying our best.
We're offering a special promotion: free hugs to all customers who bring their own snacks.
Stay tuned for more announcements, and remember: we're all in this together... for better or worse.
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