Ares' Powers: Because You Clearly Need Help

Here's a list of the god of war's powers, because you clearly can't even manage your own life:

Fireballs of Fury: Because who needs a toaster when you can just summon flames?
Rail of Anarchy: Because traffic jams are the real enemy
Warped Space-Time Continuum: Because who needs a functioning calendar when you can just make time stand still?
Telekinesis: Because folding laundry is so overrated