The Arguments

Welcome to the cinematic masterpieces of boredom, where the only thing more thrilling than our movies is the thrill of watching paint dry.

Overly Long Short Stories Why Not to Watch So Bad They Made You Leave the Theater

Overly Long Short Stories

The cinematic equivalent of watching grass grow, only with less actual grass.

Plot: A man gets up in the morning, eats a bowl of cereal, and then goes back to bed.
Genre: Drama
Runtime: 3 hours and 14 minutes
Starring: A guy who just wants to sleep

Sequel: The Cereal Bowl

Why Not to Watch

Because it's like watching paint dry, only with more paint.

Plot: A man paints the walls of his house, then paints over it.
Genre: Action
Runtime: 2 hours and 14 minutes
Starring: A man with a can of paint

Extended Cut: More Paint, Less Sense

So Bad They Made You Leave the Theater

When the popcorn is bad and the movie is worse.

Plot: A group of people try to escape a never-ending elevator ride.
Genre: Thriller
Runtime: 5 hours and 14 minutes
Starring: The people who designed the elevator

Alternate Reality Cut: The Elevator is a Time Machine