Today's horoscope for the Aries individual, brought to you by the esteemed Council of Sassy Astrologers:
Expect a 37% chance of spontaneous combustion, 23% chance of sudden interest in knitting, and a 99% chance of utter disdain for authority.
Also, a mysterious figure will be lurking in the shadows, sipping on a venti-half-caf latte, judging you harshly.
For more information on the art of being an Aries without actually being a bovine, please visit our comprehensive guide:
Or, if you're feeling extra sassy, visit our sister site: Meme-pocalypse