Attachment Diagnostics

Warning: You have been diagnosed with a severe case of Attachment Avoidance Syndrome (AAS). This is a rare and highly contagious condition, affecting approximately 100% of users who visit this website.

Causes:

• Excessive browsing of cat pictures
• Playing video game marathons for 48+ hours straight
• Uncontrollable urges to buy more novelty socks

Symptoms:

• Excessive procrastination
• Irresponsibility
• Unwillingness to leave your house for more than 3 days at a time

Treatment:

Our team of highly trained (not actually) doctors recommends the following:

• Immediate surrender of all electronic devices
• Admission to a 30-day re-education program
• Forced participation in group therapy sessions with a rotating cast of charismatic, yet unlicensed, facilitators

Learn more about our treatment plan