Attendant Training

Welcome, new recruits. This is your training program. You'll learn to navigate our unique... let's say, "environment."

Module 1: Emergency Procedures

1. Don't touch the art.
2. Don't touch the furniture.
3. Don't touch the other attendants.

Repeat these rules until you can recite them in your sleep.

Module 2: Interpersonal Skills

1. Be kind to the vending machines. They're sensitive.
2. Avoid eye contact with Management. They're not impressed.
3. When in doubt, ask for help. But only from other attendants, not from Management.

Module 3: Advanced Attendant Techniques | Module 4: Emergency Protocol for Coffee Machine Malfunction