Officially recognized as a serious threat to productivity, we're here to keep you awake, alert, and moderately caffeinated.
To provide a safe, regulated environment for the consumption of coffee, tea, and other caffeine-rich beverages.
Warning: Our agents are highly trained to detect even the slightest hint of a caffeine deficiency. Don't even think about it.
We employ a range of tactics, including but not limited to:
For more information or to report a suspected caffeine deficiency, contact us at:
[Caffeine Enforcement Agency HQ]