Unknown Substance Identification Kit
This kit is for identifying unknown substances found in your home, office, or under your neighbor's couch cushions. Please follow the methods below for proper identification.
Methods of Identification:
- Chemical Analysis - Send it to the lab and wait six weeks for the results.
- Spectral Analysis - Use a UV lamp and a magnifying glass to get a good look.
- Smell Analysis - Sniff it. If it smells like a mix of burning plastic and despair, it's probably a Sock-o-matic.
- Visual Inspection - Look at it. If it's a weird stain, it's probably a Sock-o-matic too.
Remember, if you're not sure what it is, just call the Sock Police Department for assistance. We'll send someone over with a Hazmat suit and a confused expression.