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Phase 3 Battle Plan Updates
Phase 3 Battle Plan Updates: Because You Clearly Need More Ways to Die
Current Status: We're Still Trying to Figure Out What We're Doing
Objective: Eliminate 75% of the opposing force, while suffering 30% casualty rates among our own ranks. Oh, and don't forget to bring snacks.
We've identified 3 key vulnerabilities in the enemy's defenses:
- Area 1: Their artillery is still really loud and will probably give us a headache
- Area 2: Their commander is a giant, rage-filled baby who will probably just throw a tantrum and make things worse
- Area 3: Their supply chain is still run by a bunch of incompetent interns who can't even get a decent cup of coffee
Recommendations:
- Send in a small team to distract them with a really loud, annoyingly catchy jingle
- Send in a team of highly trained accountants to negotiate a better deal (just kidding, that's just a joke)
- Call in some favors from our "friends" in the supply chain (aka, the guy who owes us a favor)
Phase 4: The Final Push
Aftermath: What Happens When We Lose (Again)
Mission Logs: Phase 2, Because Who Needs a Clear Record of Events Anyway?