The Microwave Method: Because Who Needs Cooking Skills, Anyway?

Warning: This method is not for the faint of heart (or taste buds). Proceed with caution... and a fire extinguisher.

Step 1: Place beans in a microwave-safe container. Don't worry, it's not like they're going to explode or anything (spoiler: they will).

Step 2: Nuke them with 30 seconds of concentrated radiation. You might need to adjust the time depending on the type of beans and your personal tolerance for destruction.

Step 3: Remove from microwave and... wait for the inevitable bean-based nuclear fallout.

Related Articles:

• The Crockpot Method: For when you want to cook beans, but also forget about them for 8 hours.
• The Pressure Cooker Method: For when you want to turn your beans into a bean-flavored gelatinous cube of despair.

Disclaimer: The Microwave Method is not recommended by any sane person. Use at your own risk.