Welcome to the esteemed order of Beet Tour Prophets, where we predict the future with an unsettling accuracy. Our beets are not just any beets - they're the most majestic, the most divine, the most prophetic.
Our beets are sourced from the finest, most sacred beets of the land, imbued with the essence of prophets past, present, and future. We have the power to predict:
But be warned: our prophets are not to be trifled with. We are not to be ignored. For when you ignore us, the universe will ignore you. And trust me, you won't like that.
Visit our sister site, Beet Tour Prophecies, for the most absurd, the most outlandish, the most prophetic predictions.
Or, if you're feeling particularly bold, visit Prophecies of the Ancient Beets for the most ancient, the most mystical, the most utterly confusing predictions.