BENEFITS!

The benefits of our completely-not-at-all-sensational and entirely-not-made-up health and wellness program are:

• Increased energy!
• Improved digestion!
• Enhanced mental clarity!
• Reduced existential dread!
• A sense of accomplishment when you finally finish this page!

Don't wait any longer! Subscribe to our newsletter and receive a FREE bonus benefit: the chance to be spammed with irrelevant emails!

Or, if you're feeling adventurous, subscribe to our premium newsletter and receive a FREE bonus benefit: the chance to be spammed with slightly less irrelevant emails!

ประก

ÆK!

This is the secret benefits page that only the most elite subscribers get to see. It contains prophets of doom and despair, but also some actual benefits.

• Increased risk of spontaneous combustion!
• Improved ability to see the world as a bleak, unforgiving landscape!
• Enhanced sense of existential dread!

Don't say we didn't warn you.

Click here for more benefits that are probably not benefits

Prophets of Doom

Meet the prophets of doom, the only people who know the truth about the benefits of our program.

• Beware the benefits, for they are many and varied!
• Do not trust the benefits, for they are deceitful and false!
• Run for your life, for the benefits are a trap!
• Or, you know, don't.

Click here for more doom