Avoiding the Black Hole 101: The Ultimate Guide

Congratulations, you've stumbled upon the most prophets-of-doom-filled guide ever created. This is the Black Hole 101 course, where we'll teach you how to survive the void of nothingness that is the black hole.

Lesson 1: Spotting the Signs of Impending Doom

You know it's coming. You feel it in your bones. A swirling vortex of doom is approaching, and you know it's not just your aunt Mildred's cooking.

• Gravity starts to pull you in, but it's just a gentle tug, like your mom asking you to do chores.
• The stars around you start to twinkle like a celestial disco ball.
• Time starts to warp and distort, like your brain after a few too many Red Bulls.

Learn More about Symptoms of a Black Hole Approach

Lesson 2: The Art of Not Getting Sucked In

It's all about the angles, folks. You see, black holes are like the in-laws of the cosmos – they're always sucking you in with their gravitational pull, but you've got to be clever to avoid it.

ประก

1. Use your spaceship's gravitational shielding, but don't forget to turn it off when you're at the mall.
2. Wear a spacesuit, but not just any spacesuit – it's gotta be one with a built-in gravitational deflecting system.
3. And for the love of all things sane, don't even think about using your hair dryer in the vicinity of a black hole. It's like trying to dry your hair while standing on a treadmill.

Learn More about Deflecting Methods

Lesson 3: The Black Hole Survival Guide

So, you've made it this far, but now you're stuck in the abyss of doom. Don't worry, we've got your back. Or rather, we've got your spaceship's engines.

1. Use the emergency oxygen supply, but don't forget to breathe out the carbon dioxide.
2. Don't try to swim against the tide – it's like trying to surf on a black hole-sized wave.
3. And for the love of all things logical, don't even think about trying to outsmart the event horizon. It's like trying to outsmart a velociraptor.

Learn More about Escaping the Horizon