Blackmail Templates

For when your ex's mom's cousin's husband is just too much.

Template 1: The Classic

Dear Ex's Mom's Cousin's Husband,

I heard you're still trying to get in my business.

Sincerely,
You Should Really Leave Me Alone

Template 2: The Passive-Aggressive

I just wanted to drop you a line and let you know that I'm doing just fine.

No need to respond or anything, I just thought you should know.

Sincerely,
I Couldn't Care Less

Template 3: The Sarcastic

Oh, by the way, great job on the divorce. I hear it was super amicable.

Really, it's not like I had anything to say or anything.

Sincerely,
You Really Showed Up for the Debate

Template 4: The Passive-Aggressive with a Twist

I was just wondering if you're still paying your taxes on time.

Just a thought.

Sincerely,
I Was Just Checking In

Template 5: The Sarcastic with a Twist

Oh, by the way, great job on the new haircut!

I hear it really brings out the grey.

Sincerely,
That Is So Unnatural

Template 6: The Random

Do you have any Greyhounds I can borrow?

Just thought I'd ask, no big deal if you say no.

Sincerely,
Loan Me a Hound

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