Terrible Tomato Soups - Bland Vegetable Cooking Classes

The "I-Give-Up-Hope" Tomato Soup

"Take a can of condensed milk, a bag of stale crackers, and a jar of mayonnaise. Stir until the crackers turn into a glue-like substance."

"Mix a few tablespoons of ketchup, a can of soda, and a handful of stale rice. Stir until it looks...interesting."

"Boil some water, add a cube of bouillon, and a tablespoon of sugar. Stir until it's...well, not terrible."