Boiled Beans: A Recipe for Desperation

Are you tired of the same old salad bar? Do you yearn for something that will make you question your life choices? Look no further than boiled beans.

We take our beans, fresh from the package, and boil them in a sea of water that's been sitting in the fridge since the Clinton administration. It's a process so simple, even you can't mess it up.

		
			beans (1 cup)
			water (4 cups)
			a dash of despair
		
	

Combine ingredients in a pot, and boil until the beans are soft and the water is cold. Serve with a side of regret.