It's been 10 years since the Lettuce Possession Epidemic struck, leaving a trail of destruction and despair in its wake. But have you ever wondered what it's like to be possessed by the spirit of a head of lettuce?
We spoke to one of the many victims, a brave lettuce-possessed individual who wished to remain anonymous. "It started with a crouton," they said. "I thought it was just a snack, but it was actually a portal to another dimension."
As the lettuce-possessed individual's grip on reality began to slip, they found themselves subject to an unrelenting barrage of kaleidoscopic colors and an unshakeable sense of ennui.
But fear not, dear reader, for there is hope. A secret society of lettuce-possessed individuals has formed to support and educate others about their condition. Join us on our journey into the unknown, and discover the true meaning of "crunchy"!
Read more about Krill Possession, the lesser-known cousin of Lettuce Possession
Uncover the shocking truth about Pea Possession and its links to the Illuminati