Welcome to Lettuce Soul Jazz Critiques, where we dissect the sonic fibers of your average head of lettuce.
Our latest review: "The Romaine's got game, but the Iceberg's just phoning it in."
"The Butterhead's smooth, but lacks a certain je ne sais quoi, a certain crunch, you know?"
"The Romaine's got a certain swagger, but does it really have a soul?"
Stay tuned for more critiques of your favorite leafy greens!