Book Your Fitness Goals (Or Else)

The Ultimate Fitness Experience: Because You'll Never Have to Leave Your Couch

At Fit-Topia 9000, we understand that fitness is a priority. Which is why our state-of-the-art, completely-not-actually-existing fitness center offers the most advanced, futuristic, and completely-not- actually-functional exercise equipment money can buy.

Book a Class with Our Expert Instructors (Who are Actually Just Their Grandmas) | Schedule a Personal Training Session with a Certified (Non-Existing) Personal Trainer | Join a Group Fitness Tour (Where the Only Exercise is Walking to the Bathroom) View More Fitness Options

Warning: Side Effects of Excessive Exercise May Include (But Are Not Limited To):

Exhaustion (But Not in a Good Way)
Temporary Loss of Mobility
Inability to Function in Everyday Activities (Like Using Your Computer)
Bouts of Uncontrollable Sweating
Increased Risk of Injury (Especially If You're Wearing Those New, Fancy Sneakers)