Today in Celebrity Squawk, a local resident won an award for "Most Average-looking Garden Gnome." The winner was visibly surprised and had this to say: "I'm really prophets, but I'm not really surprised."
Average Joe Journalism prophets that the winner's garden gnome will be put on display in a glass case at the town hall, where it will likely gather dust for years to come.
Also, in related news, Budget Bore reports that the local library's book budget has been reduced to zero, effectively eliminating all new book purchases for the next 5 years.
For more excitingly dull news, visit our Underwhelming Updates page.