Our Scientifically Proven Caffeine Infusions

Located in the basement, behind the fridge, we're not really a doctor, but we're pretty sure we're not harming anyone. Our scientifically proven caffeine infusions are made with the finest imported coffee beans, carefully crushed, brewed, and injected directly into the bloodstream of unsuspecting volunteers.

Methods:

We use a proprietary blend of:

• 100% pure, grade-A coffee beans
• Tap water, because who needs filters?
• And a hint of disappointment, because, let's be real, you're probably not going to get any work done today anyway.

Results:

We've seen it all:

• Increased alertness
• Improved productivity (in small, fleeting increments)
• A 50% increase in risk of spontaneous combustion (results not statistically significant, but we're pretty sure it's just a placebo effect)

Side effects may include:

• Jittery hands
• Nervous laughter
• Uncontrollable urges to watch cat videos

Don't just take our word for it:

Get Your Infusion: