You'd think that sitting still, focusing on your breath, and being one with the universe would be a breeze. But no. It's like trying to tame a feral kitten, but with more sweatpants.
First of all, there's the initial hurdle: getting off the couch. I mean, who needs a social media detox when you can just binge-watch Netflix all day?
Once you've mustered the energy to sit down, you've got to deal with the internal monologue. You know, the one that's constantly telling you you're a failure, you're a disappointment, you'll never be a decent human being.
And don't even get me started on the meditation apps. They're all just a bunch of hippie nonsense, trying to tell you that you can be a "better you." Newsflash: you're fine just the way you are.
Still, if you're determined to give meditation a go, here are some tips:
Tip One: Start with a five-minute timer. Because, let's be real, who can't handle that?
Tip Two: Try meditation with a cat. Because, honestly, they're already zen.
Tip Three: Just sit still and look at a wall.
Happy meditating!