In a world where the weather is as predictable as my ex's excuses, we bring you the most certain forecasts you'll ever need. Our team of experts has been trained on the most likely outcomes, because who needs actual science when you have certainty?
Today's forecast: 100% chance of disappointment and despair.
Tomorrow's forecast: 99.9% chance of existential dread.
Next week's forecast: 100% chance of actual rain, because who needs a umbrella?
Want more certainty? Visit our Uncertainty Subsection for more on the art of being completely wrong.