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Step 2: Brainwave Hacking 101

Welcome to Step 2: Brainwave Hacking 101. Today, we're going to learn how to control your brainwaves. Yes, you. You can control them. It's a real thing. I swear.

First, we'll need to get you into a meditative state. This will be done by listening to soothing music while staring at this:

Now, while still in this meditative state, focus on your dominant brainwave frequency. Is it alpha, beta, or something more exotic? Don't worry, I won't judge.

Next, we'll need to hack into your brain's default brainwave settings. This will require some serious mental acrobatics. Think of a bright, shining lightbulb in your mind. Now, imagine it's a black hole. And now, picture that black hole imploding. Repeat this process until you're dizzy.

Once you've successfully hacked your brainwaves, you'll be able to do things like:

Telepathically communicate with household appliances
Make your cat do the cha cha slide
Turn invisible
Make a mean lasagna

Don't worry, these abilities come with the price of occasional brain seizures. Worth it?

Proceed to Step 3: Brainwave Hacking 201

(Note: Please do not attempt this in reality. I'm not responsible for any brain damage.)