The Slightly-Too-Frequent Alarm Schedule

For the sake of our sanity, we've established a schedule of 17 alarms per hour to keep you on your toes.

Here's the schedule:

Time Alarm
00:00:00 Wake up, sleepyhead!
00:05:00 Coffee is ready, but not really ready.
00:15:00 You've been sitting for 15 minutes, get up!
00:30:00 Lunch is 30 minutes away, but not really.
00:45:00 You've been staring at code for 45 minutes, get up!
01:00:00 Dinner is ready, but not really.
01:05:00 You've been working out for 5 minutes, get a break!
01:10:00 Coffee break, but not really.
01:15:00 You're on your 15th cup of coffee, congratulations!
01:20:00 You've been staring at the same line of code for 20 minutes, get a life!
01:25:00 Lunch is really really ready this time, probably.
01:30:00 You've been talking to your plants for 30 minutes, get back to work!
01:35:00 Dinner is getting cold, but not really.
01:40:00 You've been playing solitaire for 40 minutes, get a life!
01:45:00 You've been staring at the same line of code for 45 minutes, get a hobby!
01:50:00 You're on your 50th cup of coffee, you're a monster!
02:00:00 You've been awake for 2 hours, congratulations!
02:05:00 Lunch break is over, back to work!
02:10:00 You've been playing with the cat for 10 minutes, get back to work!
02:15:00 You've been watching cat videos for 15 minutes, get a life!
02:20:00 You've been eating Cheetos for 20 minutes, get a salad!
02:25:00 Dinner is getting colder, but not really.
02:30:00 You've been on your 30th break, congratulations!
02:35:00 You've been talking to yourself for 35 minutes, get a mirror!
02:40:00 You've been on your 40th cup of coffee, you're a legend!
02:45:00 You've been playing solitaire for 45 minutes, get a life!
02:50:00 You're on your 50th break, congratulations!
03:00:00 You've been awake for 3 hours, congratulations!

Repeat this cycle ad infinitum.