The Bubblegum CPR Protocol

For when you've lost all hope and your life is a mess

In this comprehensive guide, we'll walk you through the intricacies of Bubblegum CPR, a tried-and-true method for revitalizing your stale, gum-chewing, existential crisis.

The Bubblegum CPR Steps:

• Assess your gum: Is it stale? Is it old?
• Remove the gum: Take it out, and put it in the trash
• Call for backup: Text your BFF about your existential dread
• CPR: Chew on some new gum, preferably not that old, stale stuff you found in the couch cushions

And that's it!

But wait, there's more:

Advanced Bubblegum CPR Techniques:

• Chewing gum while reciting Shakespearean sonnets: for an added layer of existential crisis management
• Bubblegum-fueled meditation: Focus on the bubbles to clear your mind
• The Bubblegum CPR Dance: Spontaneously break into song and dance to shake off your despair

Visit our sister sites for more Bubblegum-based crisis management: Extra-Sweet CPR or Bubblegum Zen

Don't forget to follow us on our Bubblegum Social Media for the latest on all things gum!

Or, you know, just go back to the drawing board and try not to think about it, we won't judge you.