We've tried and failed. Like, really failed. Like, spectacularly failed.
Our best efforts have resulted in: students who think 'The Cat in the Hat' is a real cat, students who can recite 'Green Eggs and Ham' from memory but not actually understand it, and students who still think 'Goodnight, Moon' is a sleep aid.
So, no, we won't be teaching anyone to read. That would require effort.
Instead, we'll just give up and serve you a nice cup of coffee while we watch the educational equivalent of paint dry.