Are you tired of the existential dread of modern life? Do you yearn for the comforting familiarity of a poorly lit, cubicle-filled office? Look no further! Our Bureaucratic Contact Form is here to help.
Or, if you're feeling fancy, you can just send us a carrier pigeon. We have a special mailbox in the basement that we're pretty sure hasn't been cleaned since the Clinton administration.
Lost and Found: Our Missing Staple Removers | Frequently Asked Questions (That We'll Pretend to Answer)
Our Bureaucratic Response Time: Up to 6 months, plus or minus 4 weeks, give or take 3 days.