Interpretation Techniques for the Modern Bureaucrat
Subtitle: Because who needs clarity in government?
Are you tired of being stuck in the red tape of bureaucratic jargon? Do you yearn for a way to interpret regulations that's as clear as mud? Look no further! Our team of expert interpretive dance instructors (just kidding, they're not) has crafted the following techniques to help you navigate even the most convoluted of forms.
Technique 1: The Art of Ignoring Uncomfortable Sentences
When faced with a passage that makes you squirm, just pretend you never read it. Trust us, no one will be the wiser. It's like they say in the business: "The absence of evidence is the evidence of absence."
Read on for Technique 2: The Omission of Relevance
Technique 2: The Omission of Relevance
When faced with a passage that's just too on the nose, simply leave out the parts that make you uncomfortable. It's like editing a novel, but less literary. The key is to focus on the parts that don't make you want to scream.
Read on for Technique 3: The Omission of Common Sense
Technique 3: The Omission of Common Sense
When faced with a passage that defies logic, just make up your own rules. It's like that time you decided pi(e) is a fruit. The key is to create your own reality, and we're here to help.
Read on for Technique 4: The Omission of Accountability
Technique 4: The Omission of Accountability
When faced with a passage that asks for evidence, just make something up. It's like that time you claimed you ate that extra cookie (you didn't). The key is to be creative, not truthful.
And that's not all, folks! Stay tuned for more techniques that will help you navigate even the most Byzantine of bureaucracies.