MEMORANDUM

As of today, it has come to our attention that several departmental coffee machines have been malfunctioning at an alarming rate. This is unacceptable.

We must take immediate action to rectify this situation. All department heads are hereby ordered to perform the following tasks:

• Check the coffee machine's water levels daily.
• Run a diagnostic scan on the machine's internal components.
• Replace worn-out parts with brand new ones.
• Perform a ritualistic dance of appeasement to the coffee gods.

Failure to comply will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to: loss of privileges, demotion, and being forced to listen to an endless loop of elevator music.

Please report back to us with your progress. We expect nothing but the best from you, our highly skilled and highly caffeinated workforce.

Signed,
The Department of Redundancy and Excess