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Appendix 4: The Bureaucracy's Guide to Properly Filing Your TPS-7 Form

Step 1: Gathering Your Documents

Don't bother trying to understand what any of these documents are for; just gather them all.

  1. Birth certificate (notarized, of course)
  2. Driver's license (with a minimum of 3 years' worth of parking tickets)
  3. Proof of income (preferably in the form of a 401k statement)
  4. Medical records (with a minimum of 5 doctor's visits in the past year)

Remember, these documents must be printed on 8.5x11 inch paper with 1-inch margins.

Any deviation from these specifications will result in your application being returned to you with a sternly worded letter.

Important Notes

Do not, we repeat, DO NOT, attempt to fax these documents. It's just not going to end well.

We cannot stress this enough: do not, we repeat, DO NOT, attempt to fax these documents.

Proceed to Appendix 5: Filling out the Form for the next step in this arduous process.