For the love of all that is holy, why do I have to fill out this form?
Please select the option that best describes your feelings about this form:
Please provide a 10,000-word essay on why you exist and why your existence is worthy of recognition.
Please attach 17 copies of your birth certificate, a notarized letter from a reputable doctor, and 3 signed affidavits from people who know you.
Don't forget to click submit, or the universe will implode.
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