LOAN AGREEMENT

Article 1: You're Probably Going to Lose Your House

By signing below, you agree to take on a loan with a monthly payment of $100.00, which is roughly the cost of a decent burrito in this economy.

Failure to make payments will result in your house being repossessed and sold to the highest bidder, who will likely be a giant corporate entity with a penchant for 80s music.

Don't worry, though - we've included a handy amortization schedule for you below, because who needs math when you're already drowning in existential dread?

Amortization Schedule (a.k.a. "The Never-Ending Pit of Despair")

Don't bother trying to escape - the interest rate will only continue to climb, like the inevitability of your crushing student loans.

Other Relevant Information (a.k.a. The Fine Print)

By signing below, you also agree to allow us to send you a monthly newsletter filled with irrelevant ads and pleas for more money.

Failure to respond to these emails will result in your account being flagged for "aggressive debt collection tactics," which is just a fancy way of saying we'll send you a few more emails.

Don't worry, though - we promise not to sell your email address to any third-party companies that will actually make you money, like that one friend who always asks for "just one more loan."

Signature Block

By signing below, I, [Name], hereby acknowledge that I have read and understand the terms of this loan agreement. I also acknowledge that I am probably going to lose my house and my mind.

Or, you know, just leave the page and pretend you never saw this.